"how will i explain gay couples to my children”
if you can explain to your children that an immortal man in a red suit who lives in the north pole travels around the entire world on one night every year on a sleigh carried by magical flying deer i think itll be easy enough to tell them two people are in love
First, find out what your hero wants, then just follow him!
escalators are better than elevators because when escalators break they turn into stairs but when elevators break they turn into vertical coffins
stop being cute you live far away
-you smell different when you’re awake
-please help me (then smile as if nothing happened)
-you have lovely skin, I can’t wait to wear it
-your hair tastes like strawberries
-he knows, don’t go home.
-I always knew you would die in my arms
-every time I poop I think of you
-no one will ever believe you
-I killed mufasa
-I bet you didn’t feel me lick your ear
-mother told me it would be like this
"It’s not about race!"
So I guess the Ku Klux Klan showed up for some fresh air, then?
my brother left his drink at taco bell and was like “where’s my baja blast?” and my sister just quietly whispers “in the baja past”
My uni students asked me if they had homework for the holidays and I felt so bad for them and their tired, dead eyes that I told them to just mail me pics of their favorite pokemons.
Three students sent me digimons I can’t fucking trust them with anything I give up